I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
