i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
should my penis look like a turkey
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
