you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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