Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
