I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
