Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
