Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
