My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
