Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
