Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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