Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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