That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
