First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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