THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
