Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you win again, gameday.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
