brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
