he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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