i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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