I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
