Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
