She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
