I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
