OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
