I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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