just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
