i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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