I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
