i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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