He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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