I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Vodka?
Forever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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