I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
