I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So gin and wine won't be happening again
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
