You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
