what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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