I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
