I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
