she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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