The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
