The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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