fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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