So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
