my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
