why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
