My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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