; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
