I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
