Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
