You smell like stripper and shame
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
