so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
