You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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