I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
