And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
