Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
