Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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